The story of why I hate Statesman

[Verfall]

As told by Jock Tamson:

It is said that Statesman's favorite son was Tank, who was most like him. While Tank received fewer gifts than his sister Defender, those he did receive he received in abundance. Tank could stand amidst a sea of his foes and take no harm and yet hold their rapt attention while he slowly whittled them away.



One day Tank set out to test the limits of his powers. So he sought out the Drek who has famed for his numerous children. The children of the Drek were so kind to the children of Statesman as to stand back up once defeated so that they could be fought again, and were much valued for this.



Tank set about gathering about him all the children of the Drek, and indeed they came about him in a great throng, and yet could do him no harm.



In time Tank's brother Blaster wandered by to see what his brother was doing. Seeing his brother lost in a sea of foes, Blaster called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied "No. I shall put these in a box, just set them on fire and I shall bring more." So Tank piled many of the children of Drek into a box he had found and went to seek more, while Blaster amused himself setting them on fire.



In time Blaster's sister Defender wandered by to see what her brothers were doing. Seeing her brother lost in a sea of foes, Defender called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No, I am putting these in a box so brother Blaster may set them on fire. Help him do it faster." Amused by the game Defender reached out her gifts to strengthen and speed her brother, who once more set it on fire, laughing to himself.



In time Defender's sister Controller wandered by to see what her siblings were doing. Seeing her brother lost in a sea of foes, Controller called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No, I am putting these in a box so brother Blaster may set them on fire while sister Defender aids his strength and speed. Go help your sister." Amused, Controller reached out her pale imitations of her sisters gifts to aid her in her task, while Blaster once more set the box on fire, laughing to himself.



In time Controller's brother Scrapper wandered by to see what his siblings were doing. Seeing his brother lost in a sea of foes, Scrapper called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No." So Scrapper amused himself by poking at the box while his brother set it once more on fire.



In time Statesman noticed his City was growing strangely quiet, and the challenges he had created for his children going unmet. So Statesman set out to see what his offspring were doing. Seeing his beloved son in a sea of foes, while his sibling sat playing with a box laughing inanely, Statesman called out, "Son Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No...", and so Statesman took half the power from each of his children and replied: "You do now!"



Thus a lesson was learned.

[Verfall]

More awesome here: http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=10077218&page=0&fpart=1&vc=1

[MJB]

That was awesome.

-MJB

[Midnight]

*pokes this thread*

[Camma]

Ahh y'all found the defender bible.  Jock made a bunch of these posts on the defender forum a while back, they were greatly received by the community and cannonized into the Defender Bible.  Be careful in the thread because some folks tried to add to the thread with their own stuff but it is not cannon unless posted by Jock.

[El Condor]

I was once running Condor and got invited to a PUG that was doing old-school herding into boxes in one those "parallel-dimension-that's-really-Boomtown" mishes.  It was so much fun blasting truck-loads of spines into those herds, and these must have seemed tiny compared to what the groups used to be.  Makes me sad that I missed out on those days...  :(

EC

[Verfall]

What you used to be able to do:

[GrizzlyBearTalon]

That was one of the funniest things I have ever read, especially in relation to COH.