Need some help with a personal issue...

Shaboba · March 08, 2008, 07:55:48 AM

Ok, I have a problem here and I'm hoping some of you guys can offer your insight... I'm honestly at the end of my rope.

My boyfriend suffers from depression. Like... SERIOUS depression. He's been having a particularly bad bout of it lately and I've been really worried. We were having a conversation about it a couple of days ago and it got kind of heated... I wound up yelling at him and saying some things I probably shouldn't have said. I felt really bad about it and called him to apologize, but he ignored my call. He's been ignoring all of my calls and text messages since that fight, and I can't go to his house to talk to him or anything because he lives about 800 miles away.

I really feel awful and I feel like this is all my fault, and I'm so worried about him. I really do love and care about him, and I want to do anything I can to be there for him. I'm not going to pretend like I know how it feels, because I don't, but I've been doing research about depression and it's helping me to understand what he's going through. Although, it doesn't make me any less worried about him.

I really don't know what else to do here... any suggestions? =\

stumpy · March 08, 2008, 08:30:58 AM

I'm far from an expert on depression, but it seems like the best thing you can do is to make sure that his parents (or others with direct contact) know that he is depressed and take it seriously so that he can get some professional help. Obviously, you will want to be supportive, but the odds are that there deeper emotional issues (or possibly chemical ones) that need expert attention. Don't make dealing with his depression your personal project or responsibility.

You probably shouldn't take the argument you had too badly, either. People argue and say things they wouldn't otherwise say. Then they make apologies and get past it. It sounds like you've done your part and he will, too.

The Hitman · March 08, 2008, 10:13:28 AM

And comig from a guy who has at one time dated a clinically depressed person, Stumpy has hit the nail on the head. It's really the best you can do.

Shaboba · March 08, 2008, 10:39:18 AM

Wow, he just dumped me... via text messaging, no less.

Ugh. Well... thanks for trying, guys.

The Hitman · March 08, 2008, 10:47:32 AM

And coming from a guy who at one time had the exact same thing happen to him, all I have to say is that thing's will get better. Guarenteed.

Shaboba · March 08, 2008, 10:54:09 AM

Yeah... it just really pisses me off. I guess that's what I get for letting myself become emotionally dependent on a depressed person.

The Hitman · March 08, 2008, 11:07:51 AM

Well, sometimes you have to take risks when you care for a person. And sometimes those risks blow up in your face. But- like I said, it'll get better.

danhagen · March 08, 2008, 11:48:22 AM

I seriously recommend reading the Stoics, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. Living in tragic times, they learned that the emotional reaction to events is always potentially within our control. Their calm wisdom has helped many people get through many troubles across many centuries.

Protomorph · March 08, 2008, 01:17:03 PM

Relationships with the clinically depressed are tough enough when you see them all the time, never mind the long distance ones. The breakup may be the depression talking, so keep an open mind, if you'd like to get back together, maybe give him a little time to calm down.

Shaboba · March 08, 2008, 04:08:08 PM

Well, getting back together would be hard, seeing as his best friend (who has WAY too much influence in his life) shares a mutual hatred with me. But at least I can walk away knowing that I took the high road in all this.